1
00:00:04,801 --> 00:00:06,801
[***]

2
00:00:12,901 --> 00:00:16,067
Okay, see, one time
in the cafeteria,

3
00:00:16,067 --> 00:00:18,968
Randy Beaman was eating
a bologna sandwich,

4
00:00:18,968 --> 00:00:21,000
then Jason made
this gross noise:

5
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:22,367
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]

6
00:00:22,367 --> 00:00:26,167
And Randy Beaman laughed so hard
bologna came out his nose.

7
00:00:26,167 --> 00:00:27,868
Really.

8
00:00:27,868 --> 00:00:28,868
'Kay, bye.

9
00:00:28,868 --> 00:00:30,868
[***]

10
00:00:33,601 --> 00:00:35,267
[***]

11
00:00:35,267 --> 00:00:38,501
ANNOUNCER:
 Newsreel of the Stars.

12
00:00:40,767 --> 00:00:43,000
 Dateline: Hollywood, 1930.

13
00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:44,501
 The Warner Brothers studio,

14
00:00:44,501 --> 00:00:47,501
 home of the biggest stars
 in Tinseltown.

15
00:00:47,501 --> 00:00:49,901
 Here at the studio's
 new Animation Department,

16
00:00:49,901 --> 00:00:53,267
 the artists toil endlessly
 to come up with cartoon stars,

17
00:00:53,267 --> 00:00:55,601
ultimately creating
 three new characters:

18
00:00:55,601 --> 00:00:58,601
 The Warner brothers
 and their sister, Dot.

19
00:00:58,601 --> 00:01:01,267
WARNERS:
Hello, Nurse!

20
00:01:01,267 --> 00:01:06,000
ANNOUNCER:
 Unfortunately, the Warner kids
 were totally out of control...

21
00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:10,767
 and sent the animators
 running to the hills.

22
00:01:10,767 --> 00:01:12,067
ALL:
Bye.

23
00:01:12,067 --> 00:01:14,701
Boingie! Boingie! Boingie!
Boingie!

24
00:01:14,701 --> 00:01:17,701
ANNOUNCER:
 The trio ran amok
 throughout the studio,

25
00:01:17,701 --> 00:01:19,934
 creating utter chaos.

26
00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:25,167
[SCREAMING]

27
00:01:25,167 --> 00:01:27,434
ANNOUNCER:
 Finally, they were captured.

28
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:32,901
 The Warners' films,
 which made absolutely no sense,

29
00:01:32,901 --> 00:01:34,734
were locked away
 in the studio vault,

30
00:01:34,734 --> 00:01:36,067
 never to be released.

31
00:01:37,567 --> 00:01:41,167
 As for the Warners themselves,
 who made even less sense,

32
00:01:41,167 --> 00:01:43,734
 they were locked away
 in the studio water tower,

33
00:01:43,734 --> 00:01:45,367
 also never to be released.

34
00:01:47,234 --> 00:01:49,367
 Publicly, the studio
 has disavowed

35
00:01:49,367 --> 00:01:51,267
 any knowledge
 of the Warners' existence

36
00:01:51,267 --> 00:01:55,033
 to this very day,
 when the Warners escaped.

37
00:01:56,767 --> 00:01:58,601
[***]

38
00:01:58,601 --> 00:02:02,067
ALL:
* It's time for Animaniacs *

39
00:02:02,067 --> 00:02:04,701
* And we're zany to the max *

40
00:02:04,701 --> 00:02:06,501
* So just sit back and relax *

41
00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:08,167
* You'll laugh
Till you collapse *

42
00:02:08,167 --> 00:02:10,567
* We're Animaniacs *

43
00:02:10,567 --> 00:02:12,367
BOTH:
* Come join
The Warner brothers *

44
00:02:12,367 --> 00:02:14,000
* And the Warner sister, Dot *

45
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,968
ALL:
* Just for fun we run around
The Warner movie lot *

46
00:02:16,968 --> 00:02:19,634
* They lock us in the tower
Whenever we get caught *

47
00:02:19,634 --> 00:02:21,367
* But we break loose
And then vamoose *

48
00:02:21,367 --> 00:02:22,567
* And now you know the plot *

49
00:02:22,567 --> 00:02:25,100
* We're Animaniacs *

50
00:02:25,100 --> 00:02:28,033
 * Dot is cute and Yakko yaks *

51
00:02:28,033 --> 00:02:29,400
 * Wakko packs away the snacks *

52
00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:31,133
 * While Bill Clinton
 Plays the sax *

53
00:02:31,133 --> 00:02:33,167
* We're Animaniacs *

54
00:02:34,267 --> 00:02:35,534
 * Meet Pinky and the Brain *

55
00:02:35,534 --> 00:02:37,000
 * Who want to rule
The universe *

56
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,367
 * Goodfeathers flock together *

57
00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:39,901
 * Slappy whacks 'em
 With her purse *

58
00:02:39,901 --> 00:02:41,200
 * Buttons chases Mindy *

59
00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:42,734
 * While Rita sings a verse *

60
00:02:42,734 --> 00:02:44,467
* The writers flipped
We have no script *

61
00:02:44,467 --> 00:02:45,634
* Why bother to rehearse? *

62
00:02:45,634 --> 00:02:48,400
* We're Animaniacs *

63
00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:51,234
* We have pay-or-play
Contracts *

64
00:02:51,234 --> 00:02:52,667
* We're zany to the max *

65
00:02:52,667 --> 00:02:54,334
* There's bologna
In our slacks *

66
00:02:54,334 --> 00:02:55,901
* We're Animan-y *

67
00:02:55,901 --> 00:02:57,234
* Totally insane-y *

68
00:02:57,234 --> 00:02:58,767
* Shirley MacLaine-y *

69
00:02:58,767 --> 00:03:01,000
* Animaniacs *

70
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:02,467
* Those are the facts *

71
00:03:05,834 --> 00:03:07,834
[***]

72
00:03:19,667 --> 00:03:20,667
Huh?

73
00:03:24,167 --> 00:03:25,934
Giddyap!

74
00:03:25,934 --> 00:03:27,567
[HORSE WHINNIES]

75
00:03:36,667 --> 00:03:38,701
[***]

76
00:03:42,534 --> 00:03:44,534
[***]

77
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:49,767
DR. SCRATCHANSNIFF:
Today, my little Warner friends,

78
00:03:49,767 --> 00:03:52,734
I don't want to ask you
any boring questions.

79
00:03:52,734 --> 00:03:53,734
So can we go then?

80
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:54,968
Wait, wait, wait.

81
00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:57,234
Wouldn't you like to hear
my fun new idea?

82
00:03:57,234 --> 00:04:00,667
I thought you said
no boring questions.

83
00:04:00,667 --> 00:04:02,267
[LAUGHS]

84
00:04:02,267 --> 00:04:04,901
Today, I want to try
a little group session,

85
00:04:04,901 --> 00:04:08,501
and so I've invited one of
my other patients to join us.

86
00:04:08,501 --> 00:04:11,033
Who is it? One of those cute
little Olsen twins?

87
00:04:11,033 --> 00:04:15,534
No, but it is a fellow
Warner Brothers employee.

88
00:04:15,534 --> 00:04:17,200
Your other patient
is here, doctor.

89
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,100
Very well. Send her in.

90
00:04:19,100 --> 00:04:21,434
Now, she may be shy
and bashful,

91
00:04:21,434 --> 00:04:22,834
and unwilling to chitchat,

92
00:04:22,834 --> 00:04:25,067
so please be polite,
okey-dokeys?

93
00:04:25,067 --> 00:04:26,467
ALL:
Okey-dokeys.

94
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:27,901
[***]

95
00:04:27,901 --> 00:04:32,601
* Oh, where, oh, where
Has my little dog gone, baby? *

96
00:04:32,601 --> 00:04:34,200
ALL:
Elmyra!

97
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,567
Hiya, Mr. Doctor Man.

98
00:04:36,567 --> 00:04:39,734
Do you wanna look
inside my little head?

99
00:04:39,734 --> 00:04:42,033
Well, heh-heh, yes, perhaps.

100
00:04:42,033 --> 00:04:45,567
But first, I want you to meet
some other patients of mine.

101
00:04:45,567 --> 00:04:47,067
Oohh!

102
00:04:47,067 --> 00:04:49,634
Look at the cute fuzzy heads!

103
00:04:49,634 --> 00:04:55,501
What are you? Puppies?
Kitties? Big fuzzy buggies?

104
00:04:55,501 --> 00:04:57,167
BOTH:
We're the Warner brothers.

105
00:04:57,167 --> 00:04:59,467
And the Warner sister.

106
00:04:59,467 --> 00:05:01,567
Well, I'm the Warner hugger
and kisser,

107
00:05:01,567 --> 00:05:04,100
and squeezer
into itty-bitty pieces.

108
00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:05,767
Nice to meet you.

109
00:05:05,767 --> 00:05:08,200
Okay, now, everyone,
let's settle down,

110
00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:12,701
and let's all have fun
with Mr. Puppet Head.

111
00:05:12,701 --> 00:05:14,334
Oohh!

112
00:05:14,334 --> 00:05:17,267
I love Mr. Puppet Head!

113
00:05:17,267 --> 00:05:19,267
ALL:
Figures.

114
00:05:19,267 --> 00:05:20,834
[SQUEAKY VOICE]
Hello, everybody.

115
00:05:20,834 --> 00:05:23,400
Hello, Mr. Puppet Head.

116
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,267
[GIGGLES]

117
00:05:25,267 --> 00:05:27,267
[NORMAL VOICE]
Is there something you kiddies

118
00:05:27,267 --> 00:05:29,067
would like to share
with Mr. Puppet Head?

119
00:05:31,901 --> 00:05:32,901
Nope.

120
00:05:32,901 --> 00:05:34,667
Not me.

121
00:05:34,667 --> 00:05:36,234
I'd like to share.

122
00:05:36,234 --> 00:05:38,400
Good. What?

123
00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:40,067
This.

124
00:05:40,067 --> 00:05:42,801
Naughty puppet.

125
00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:44,467
Yi-yi-yi! I mean:

126
00:05:44,467 --> 00:05:45,801
[SQUEAKY VOICE]
Yi-yi-yi!

127
00:05:45,801 --> 00:05:48,133
[NORMAL VOICE]
Are you all right,
Mr. Puppet Head?

128
00:05:48,133 --> 00:05:50,934
[SQUEAKY VOICE]
No, I got a woogie on my noggin.

129
00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:53,901
Oh, don't worry,
Mr. Puppet Head.

130
00:05:53,901 --> 00:05:57,968
I'll take care of you
with a great big huggy-poo!

131
00:05:57,968 --> 00:06:01,267
I'm gonna make you all better,
and love you and kiss you,

132
00:06:01,267 --> 00:06:05,300
and be nursey-nurse for the sick
little woogie noggin.

133
00:06:05,300 --> 00:06:06,934
[ELMYRA KISSING PUPPET]

134
00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:08,534
Oh, the humanity.

135
00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:12,200
Mwah. There. All better.

136
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:16,834
Mr. Puppet Head, what happened?

137
00:06:16,834 --> 00:06:18,634
Nobody's home.

138
00:06:18,634 --> 00:06:20,300
There's an understatement.

139
00:06:20,300 --> 00:06:21,667
I know.

140
00:06:21,667 --> 00:06:23,267
Let's engage
in some parallel play

141
00:06:23,267 --> 00:06:26,667
with a little
non-competitive gaming. Yeah?

142
00:06:26,667 --> 00:06:27,901
ALL:
Say what?

143
00:06:27,901 --> 00:06:31,200
He means, let's play
hug the puppy heads!

144
00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:32,701
I'm gonna hug you
and squeeze you,

145
00:06:32,701 --> 00:06:34,167
and take you home,

146
00:06:34,167 --> 00:06:36,968
and dress you up
like little ponies.

147
00:06:36,968 --> 00:06:39,767
And we'll play rodeo cowgirl!

148
00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:41,901
I got another idea.

149
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:43,868
Let's play
What Happened to the Warners?

150
00:06:43,868 --> 00:06:47,367
BOTH:
What happened to the...Warners?

151
00:06:47,367 --> 00:06:50,501
Don't you worry,
Mr. Doctor Man Wrinkle Head.

152
00:06:50,501 --> 00:06:51,501
I'll find 'em!

153
00:06:52,901 --> 00:06:56,167
Oh, Warners!

154
00:06:56,167 --> 00:06:58,200
[***]

155
00:07:03,801 --> 00:07:05,067
[ALL PANTING]

156
00:07:05,067 --> 00:07:07,200
That was a close one.

157
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:08,801
That was a weird one.

158
00:07:08,801 --> 00:07:10,000
[WHISTLE TOOTING]

159
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,934
All aboard. Woo, woo!

160
00:07:12,934 --> 00:07:14,701
[GIGGLES]

161
00:07:14,701 --> 00:07:17,501
We're gonna play
 Petticoat Junction.

162
00:07:17,501 --> 00:07:18,901
[ALL SCREAM]

163
00:07:18,901 --> 00:07:21,901
* Oh, I'm Uncle Joe
And I'm moving kinda slow *

164
00:07:21,901 --> 00:07:23,701
 * Woo, woo! *

165
00:07:26,734 --> 00:07:29,801
Come back! I got some taffy.

166
00:07:31,467 --> 00:07:34,434
Excuse me, Mr. Guardman Face,

167
00:07:34,434 --> 00:07:37,534
have you seen
the little Warner heads?

168
00:07:37,534 --> 00:07:39,868
Uh, the Warner heads?

169
00:07:39,868 --> 00:07:43,534
Um. Well, I...
The Warners?

170
00:07:43,534 --> 00:07:45,200
There you are.

171
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:46,734
Some hiding place.

172
00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:48,167
It was warm.

173
00:07:49,567 --> 00:07:51,934
Hey! Come back!

174
00:07:51,934 --> 00:07:54,601
[***]

175
00:07:54,601 --> 00:07:57,868
ELMYRA:
Here I come
to love you to pieces.

176
00:08:05,234 --> 00:08:08,534
[ROARS]

177
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:17,601
Have you seen
three cute fuzzy heads?

178
00:08:25,734 --> 00:08:29,167
Ooh! Look at the big dino head.

179
00:08:29,167 --> 00:08:30,934
You're cute.

180
00:08:30,934 --> 00:08:33,567
I'm gonna bathe you,
and powder you

181
00:08:33,567 --> 00:08:35,567
and teach you how to go
on the paper.

182
00:08:36,133 --> 00:08:37,234
Oops.

183
00:08:37,234 --> 00:08:38,968
[ALL GASP]

184
00:08:40,267 --> 00:08:43,868
[ECHOING]
There you are.

185
00:08:43,868 --> 00:08:46,701
[***]

186
00:08:46,701 --> 00:08:48,968
Wait. We've gotta
fight fire with fire.

187
00:08:48,968 --> 00:08:50,434
[WHISPERING INAUDIBLY]

188
00:08:52,868 --> 00:08:54,267
Follow me.

189
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:58,167
Oh, Warners. Wait for me.

190
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,501
 Voil�,
the answer to our prayers.

191
00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:10,200
[GIGGLING]

192
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:16,634
Oh, Warner-adle-adle-ooo!

193
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:28,601
[BARKING SOFTLY]

194
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:34,067
Puppy toy.

195
00:09:34,067 --> 00:09:35,067
[LAUGHS]

196
00:09:35,067 --> 00:09:36,501
[GRUNTS]

197
00:09:46,567 --> 00:09:49,100
Rowr?

198
00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:51,767
Relax, pal.
It's taken care of.

199
00:09:51,767 --> 00:09:54,868
Where are you,
Warner-a-licious?

200
00:09:54,868 --> 00:09:58,434
I'm gonna fold you
and spindle you, and--

201
00:09:58,434 --> 00:09:59,434
[GASPS]

202
00:09:59,434 --> 00:10:03,167
Look at that cute little
girl head.

203
00:10:05,834 --> 00:10:08,300
Wait for me,
little girly-girl.

204
00:10:08,300 --> 00:10:10,801
Look out, girly head!

205
00:10:10,801 --> 00:10:11,834
[CRASH]

206
00:10:12,801 --> 00:10:13,801
[GURGLING]

207
00:10:15,501 --> 00:10:19,868
Hey, come back here,
you little missy-miss.

208
00:10:25,467 --> 00:10:26,467
Unh!

209
00:10:26,467 --> 00:10:27,901
[SAW BUZZES]

210
00:10:27,901 --> 00:10:29,100
Unh!

211
00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:31,200
All clear!

212
00:10:33,267 --> 00:10:36,033
[CLAPPING]

213
00:10:36,033 --> 00:10:38,200
I love a happy ending.

214
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:40,767
Sometimes I just love
when it ends.

215
00:10:44,501 --> 00:10:47,234
[***]

216
00:10:47,234 --> 00:10:49,901
ANNOUNCER:
 And now, Dot's Poetry Corner.

217
00:10:49,901 --> 00:10:51,701
[CLEARS THROAT]

218
00:10:51,701 --> 00:10:54,000
"Old King Cole."

219
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:56,200
Old King Cole
 was a merry old soul

220
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:57,834
 And a merry old soul was he

221
00:10:57,834 --> 00:11:00,534
 He called for his pipe
 And he called for his bowl

222
00:11:00,534 --> 00:11:01,868
 And he called Information

223
00:11:01,868 --> 00:11:03,267
 For numbers
 He could have easily

224
00:11:03,267 --> 00:11:04,934
 Looked up in the phone book

225
00:11:04,934 --> 00:11:06,400
Thank you.

226
00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:07,701
[FINGERS SNAPPING]

227
00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:09,400
ANNOUNCER:
 This has been another visit

228
00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:10,767
 to Dot's Poetry Corner.

229
00:11:10,767 --> 00:11:12,601
[***]

230
00:11:12,601 --> 00:11:15,901
* The crankiest of creatures
In the whole wide world *

231
00:11:15,901 --> 00:11:19,667
* Our next cartoon features
Slappy the Squirrel *

232
00:11:19,667 --> 00:11:23,200
Enough with the singing already.

233
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,167
* That's Slappy *

234
00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:30,400
[***]

235
00:11:33,667 --> 00:11:35,667
[***]

236
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,234
[GLASS BREAKING]

237
00:11:51,534 --> 00:11:53,601
Excuse me.

238
00:11:53,601 --> 00:11:55,901
Are you here
for plastic surgery, or golf?

239
00:11:55,901 --> 00:11:57,467
There's a wait on golf.

240
00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:59,667
Wow! Your skin's so tight

241
00:11:59,667 --> 00:12:01,400
you could bounce quarters
off it.

242
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,567
I'm pretty.
Now, what do you want?

243
00:12:03,567 --> 00:12:06,367
I was wondering what room
my Aunt Slappy was in.

244
00:12:06,367 --> 00:12:07,367
[MAN SCREAMING]

245
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:10,968
Never mind.

246
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,901
Hi, Aunt Slappy.
Resting quietly?

247
00:12:17,901 --> 00:12:22,400
Eh, Skippy, they don't make
orderlies like they used to.

248
00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:24,567
Come out from under there,
sweetie.

249
00:12:24,567 --> 00:12:25,701
[SCREAMS]

250
00:12:26,834 --> 00:12:28,534
Why are you doing this?

251
00:12:28,534 --> 00:12:31,267
Hey, I can't help it.
I'm attracted to men in uniform.

252
00:12:31,267 --> 00:12:35,033
No. I mean, why are you having
plastic surgery?

253
00:12:35,033 --> 00:12:37,000
To get ready
for my big cartoon comeback.

254
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:38,267
The business needs me.

255
00:12:38,267 --> 00:12:40,234
They're in trouble.
Just watch this.

256
00:12:42,434 --> 00:12:43,701
 Oh!

257
00:12:43,701 --> 00:12:48,701
 Ha-ha! I love chopping down
 virgin timber.

258
00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:49,801
 [SAW BUZZING]

259
00:12:49,801 --> 00:12:50,901
 [GASPS]

260
00:12:52,767 --> 00:12:55,133
 Gee-hee! Hey, Wolverine Lou.

261
00:12:55,133 --> 00:12:57,868
 Hurting trees is wrong.
 Gee-hee.

262
00:12:57,868 --> 00:13:02,234
 Gosh, Robin Robin.
 No one ever told me.

263
00:13:02,234 --> 00:13:05,934
 I will stop now,
 and go help someone in need.

264
00:13:11,968 --> 00:13:14,667
No gags, no bulldozers,
no dynamite.

265
00:13:14,667 --> 00:13:16,100
What a rotten cartoon.

266
00:13:16,100 --> 00:13:18,734
What's that got to do
with plastic surgery?

267
00:13:18,734 --> 00:13:21,667
Nowadays, nobody hires you
unless you're good-looking.

268
00:13:21,667 --> 00:13:23,467
I gotta compete
with these young yutzes.

269
00:13:23,467 --> 00:13:26,567
Does that hammer the plot
home for ya?

270
00:13:26,567 --> 00:13:28,067
I'm gonna have a total
face-lift,

271
00:13:28,067 --> 00:13:30,801
a tummy tuck and my tail
liposuctioned.

272
00:13:30,801 --> 00:13:33,434
I'll be back on top again
in no time.

273
00:13:33,434 --> 00:13:37,734
But you look fine now,
Aunt Slappy. See?

274
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,234
Thanks for the boost.

275
00:13:41,501 --> 00:13:44,267
These bedpans are so cold
my tail has frostbite.

276
00:13:44,267 --> 00:13:45,767
Sorry, Ms. Squirrel.

277
00:13:45,767 --> 00:13:48,534
Dr. Roma has finished
parring the back nine.

278
00:13:48,534 --> 00:13:49,934
He's ready for you now.

279
00:13:49,934 --> 00:13:51,267
About time.

280
00:13:51,267 --> 00:13:53,267
I'm gonna transform
into a butterfly.

281
00:13:53,267 --> 00:13:54,767
Or Wilford Brimley.

282
00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:56,400
Whichever comes out of a cocoon.

283
00:14:01,701 --> 00:14:03,334
Take this to my locker,

284
00:14:03,334 --> 00:14:04,801
then call the clubhouse

285
00:14:04,801 --> 00:14:06,801
and reserve me a teeoff time
for 1 p.m.

286
00:14:08,133 --> 00:14:10,067
Make that 4 p.m.

287
00:14:10,067 --> 00:14:11,501
Hey, Arnold Palmer.

288
00:14:11,501 --> 00:14:13,701
Nice of you to squeeze in
time to operate.

289
00:14:13,701 --> 00:14:16,501
[HUMMING]

290
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,467
When I'm done
with Slappy Squirrel,

291
00:14:31,467 --> 00:14:34,300
her face will make
a hedgehog's rump look pretty.

292
00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:37,934
All right, Ms. Squirrel,

293
00:14:37,934 --> 00:14:39,701
just relax
and watch the monitor.

294
00:14:39,701 --> 00:14:42,200
I'm going to show you scenes
from Alan Alda movies.

295
00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:43,667
You'll be out in no time.

296
00:14:43,667 --> 00:14:45,801
Couldn't you just hit me
on the head with a hammer?

297
00:14:45,801 --> 00:14:46,801
[LAUGHS]

298
00:14:46,801 --> 00:14:47,834
Now, now.

299
00:14:47,834 --> 00:14:50,167
You just watch
Mr. Alda while I go wash up.

300
00:14:52,367 --> 00:14:54,534
 I mean, what do we really know
 about people?

301
00:14:54,534 --> 00:14:56,367
 About men? Women?

302
00:14:56,367 --> 00:14:57,367
 I'm puzzled.

303
00:14:57,367 --> 00:14:59,133
 Being in a relationship

304
00:14:59,133 --> 00:15:00,968
 is like walking
 the tightrope of life.

305
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:02,467
Bleah!

306
00:15:02,467 --> 00:15:04,234
[SNORING]

307
00:15:08,801 --> 00:15:09,801
Finally.

308
00:15:09,801 --> 00:15:11,934
The chance to mangle my old foe,

309
00:15:11,934 --> 00:15:13,801
Slappy Squirrel,
once and for all.

310
00:15:14,634 --> 00:15:15,634
[SNICKERS]

311
00:15:15,634 --> 00:15:18,601
I mustn't forget to wash up.

312
00:15:18,601 --> 00:15:20,367
With Acme Sudsing Germs.

313
00:15:25,734 --> 00:15:28,067
[LAUGHING]

314
00:15:28,067 --> 00:15:31,567
The doctor will see you now,
Slappy Squirrel.

315
00:15:38,767 --> 00:15:41,968
First, I'll mush your face in
like this.

316
00:15:41,968 --> 00:15:45,467
Then I'll puff up your cheeks
and scrunch your nose.

317
00:15:45,467 --> 00:15:48,934
Then I'll stretch your chin
like Jay Leno.

318
00:15:48,934 --> 00:15:52,601
You'll never make
another cartoon again!

319
00:15:52,601 --> 00:15:54,734
[LAUGHS]

320
00:15:54,734 --> 00:15:56,567
Is this sad or what?

321
00:15:56,567 --> 00:15:58,534
Now, let us begin.

322
00:16:06,767 --> 00:16:08,434
Ahh! Oof.

323
00:16:15,567 --> 00:16:16,567
[GROWLING]

324
00:16:28,334 --> 00:16:30,901
Jerry Lewis, eat your heart out.

325
00:16:36,334 --> 00:16:37,334
Ah!

326
00:16:43,133 --> 00:16:45,434
Fore!

327
00:16:47,167 --> 00:16:50,834
That's it.
No more Mr. Nice Wolf.

328
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:53,601
[LAUGHS]

329
00:16:53,601 --> 00:16:54,968
Perfect.

330
00:16:57,634 --> 00:16:58,767
[SNORTS]

331
00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:01,868
Give me those.

332
00:17:01,868 --> 00:17:03,067
What you can get away with

333
00:17:03,067 --> 00:17:04,868
in cartoons these days
is shocking.

334
00:17:07,334 --> 00:17:09,667
DOCTOR:
Fore!

335
00:17:11,033 --> 00:17:13,067
There's my ball.

336
00:17:15,834 --> 00:17:18,701
I'll play it from here.
I don't wanna lose a stroke.

337
00:17:18,701 --> 00:17:20,467
[WALTER YELLING]

338
00:17:20,467 --> 00:17:22,801
What? Who? Where?

339
00:17:22,801 --> 00:17:24,067
What happened?

340
00:17:24,067 --> 00:17:25,300
As if I cared.

341
00:17:25,300 --> 00:17:27,367
Good shot.

342
00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:32,801
Why, Walter,
what are you doing here?

343
00:17:34,601 --> 00:17:36,868
Oh! Ow!

344
00:17:36,868 --> 00:17:39,133
Ooh. Looks like
you could use

345
00:17:39,133 --> 00:17:41,067
a little plastic surgery
of your own.

346
00:17:43,968 --> 00:17:45,734
Your next patient, boys.

347
00:17:48,033 --> 00:17:50,701
Here's a picture to work from.
It came with the wallet.

348
00:17:52,934 --> 00:17:56,200
So you're skipping your
plastic surgery, Aunt Slappy?

349
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:59,767
Eh, I'll keep my wrinkles.
I earned every one of 'em.

350
00:17:59,767 --> 00:18:01,434
But what about your comeback?

351
00:18:01,434 --> 00:18:02,467
Forget it.

352
00:18:02,467 --> 00:18:03,934
If I have to change
my appearance,

353
00:18:03,934 --> 00:18:05,334
it's not worth doing.

354
00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:07,901
Skippy, I've learned
that looks aren't everything.

355
00:18:07,901 --> 00:18:11,000
It's the beauty in your heart
that's really important.

356
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:14,133
Gee, Aunt Slappy, you sound
like an after-school special.

357
00:18:14,133 --> 00:18:15,801
You're right.
I take it all back.

358
00:18:15,801 --> 00:18:18,234
WALTER:
My face! I'm ruined!

359
00:18:18,234 --> 00:18:21,067
What will the other
villains say?

360
00:18:22,234 --> 00:18:24,400
Now, that's edutainment.

361
00:18:28,033 --> 00:18:31,300
[***]

362
00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:33,968
ANNOUNCER:
And now, Dot's Poetry Corner.

363
00:18:33,968 --> 00:18:35,601
[CLEARS THROAT]

364
00:18:35,601 --> 00:18:37,834
"Ode to a Veggie."

365
00:18:37,834 --> 00:18:39,834
 Beans, beans, the musical fruit

366
00:18:39,834 --> 00:18:41,000
 The more you eat

367
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:42,400
 The more they kick you
 Off the air

368
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:43,801
 If you finish this poem

369
00:18:43,801 --> 00:18:45,567
Thank you.

370
00:18:45,567 --> 00:18:46,734
[FINGERS SNAPPING]

371
00:18:46,734 --> 00:18:48,434
ANNOUNCER:
 This has been another visit

372
00:18:48,434 --> 00:18:49,701
 to Dot's Poetry Corner.

373
00:18:50,434 --> 00:18:52,434
[***]

374
00:18:58,567 --> 00:18:59,734
One time, okay, see--

375
00:18:59,734 --> 00:19:01,267
One time, Randy Beaman's family

376
00:19:01,267 --> 00:19:02,801
had this party
with food and stuff,

377
00:19:02,801 --> 00:19:04,834
and they had, like,
this bean dip for the chips,

378
00:19:04,834 --> 00:19:06,901
and everybody ate it
and said it was really good,

379
00:19:06,901 --> 00:19:08,100
only it wasn't bean dip.

380
00:19:08,100 --> 00:19:11,067
It was a mistake.
It was really dog food.

381
00:19:12,901 --> 00:19:13,901
'Kay, bye.

382
00:19:13,901 --> 00:19:15,901
[***]

383
00:19:19,300 --> 00:19:21,300
[***]

384
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,634
Whoa, Wakko, Dot, hold up.

385
00:19:26,634 --> 00:19:27,634
Why?

386
00:19:27,634 --> 00:19:28,968
It's that time again.

387
00:19:28,968 --> 00:19:31,133
Oh, no,
not the Wheel of Morality.

388
00:19:31,133 --> 00:19:34,801
Afraid so. It's time to learn
the moral of today's story.

389
00:19:34,801 --> 00:19:38,067
BOTH:
No! No!

390
00:19:38,067 --> 00:19:39,434
Hey, come on.

391
00:19:39,434 --> 00:19:42,334
The Wheel of Morality
adds boring educational value

392
00:19:42,334 --> 00:19:43,567
to what would otherwise be

393
00:19:43,567 --> 00:19:45,834
an almost entirely
entertaining program.

394
00:19:45,834 --> 00:19:48,133
But the morals make no sense.

395
00:19:48,133 --> 00:19:50,534
It's totally bogus.

396
00:19:50,534 --> 00:19:54,934
Who came up with this stupid
Wheel of Morality idea anyway?

397
00:19:54,934 --> 00:19:57,167
The execs
at the Fox Kids' Network.

398
00:19:57,167 --> 00:20:01,868
Oh! Heh, heh. They did?
What a great idea.

399
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:05,133
Yeah.
I love the Wheel of Morality.

400
00:20:05,868 --> 00:20:07,100
Mwah.

401
00:20:08,100 --> 00:20:09,734
So...

402
00:20:10,934 --> 00:20:12,834
Wheel of Morality,
turn, turn, turn.

403
00:20:12,834 --> 00:20:14,868
Tell us the lesson
that we should learn.

404
00:20:14,868 --> 00:20:16,434
Moral number six.

405
00:20:16,434 --> 00:20:19,200
And the moral
of today's story is:

406
00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:21,033
"Lather, rinse, repeat."

407
00:20:21,033 --> 00:20:22,534
This is a moral?

408
00:20:22,534 --> 00:20:24,868
Hey, it's the best we could do
on such short notice.

409
00:20:24,868 --> 00:20:26,067
[WHISTLE BLOWING]

410
00:20:26,067 --> 00:20:27,067
ALL:
Yipe!

411
00:20:27,067 --> 00:20:29,067
[***]

412
00:20:32,934 --> 00:20:34,934
[***]

413
00:20:58,901 --> 00:21:00,501
Spew!